"what's up? how you doin?"...

I had to work at the restaurant last night after work at the apartment. Afterwards, I ran to wal-mart to make a layaway payment so it was really late, around 1230 or so. On the way to the register, I spotted a magazine article about Kim Kardashian and I felt compelled to read it for some reason...guilty as charged lol. So, I propped up on an empty register and started flipping through the pages. After about five minutes I hear a "What's up? How you doin?" I turn to my side and there was a "gentleman" standing there. He looked so classy with his dreads, gold teeth (at least two), and belt around his knees. I responded "I'm fine, thank you," and then conversation started much to my dismay. Apparently it's ok for some people to hit on others while at wal-mart in the middle of the night. He was all like, "man...you so sexy...no seriously you are so hot." Ok, sir...I heard you. I guess this is a good time to show you what "sexy" looks like after a 15 hour work day...

yes...super sexy apparently. So, then he precedes to ask me the question I get at least three times a month...."You date black guys?" "Um....well....I'm a non-discriminatory dater." Back to reading the magazine...few awkward moments pass and then he says, "well we should go out then." I say, "I don't have time to date anyone but thank you." "No time?! You can take an hour or two to go get something to eat or something." Then I say, "Sorry, just not really into it." Then, just as I would expect such a catch of a man to say, he told me that he would love to get my number but he didn't have a phone. On top of that, he doesn't have a job. He's at wal-mart waiting on his friend to get off so he can take him home...because he doesn't have a car. Then, he asked me if I wasn't interested in dating anyone then maybe we could be friends and smoke together sometimes. REALLY?? I thought it was so sad when he said that like it was no big deal. He was like trippin out when I told him I don't smoke. That's good...I don't wanna fit in with that crowd anymore and especially douches like him. I guess my whole point is that men are still men. Why are you talking to me? Why are you STILL talking to me when I've made it very clear that I'm not interested. I wasn't wearing anything provocative, had no make-up on, and wasn't even talking to you or flirting with you. Yet, he still came and he still tried. So annoying.

So, on to today! After work today, a couple of friends and I are going to the Brandon Heath concert at a local church. He's a pretty popular Christian singer so it should be fun! I'm excited...craving my God time :)

mathematically challenged...

I'm sitting at my desk chowing down on some Quiznos. I never realized how boss Quiznos is...this has been pretty much the best sandwich I've ever had in my life. I'm so over Subway haha. Man...I really need to go to the gym more...obviously lol.

So yesterday I went out with a couple of my girlfriends for drinks. So as I was leaving I stopped to talk to one of the waiters that i knew there. He was like, "so when are we gonna go out?" I wasn't completely great because I didn't say no or anything BUT I did defer the conversation in another direction and no numbers were exchanged! I was super stoked about that because that's so unlike me...especially with guys that I actually know.

Another thing I'm doing with my whole purity journey is not give my number out at all to anyone for any reason if it's not work related. In my experience a lot of bad decisions have been made because of someone who was in my phone contacts that shouldn't have been, or it all started from late night texting out of boredom. It's just not worth it anymore. If I meet someone, and God wants them in my life, they will be. So, needless to say, that little restaurant experience was nice. I needed a good win under my belt!

OH! So I took the compass testing today for my new school. Just as I expected, I'm completely special needs when it comes to math. So yeah...

challenges and changes...

It is freezing in my office today but I don't wanna mess with the thermostat because yesterday it was scorching hot...my life haha.

So yesterday I encountered somewhat of a challenge with all this. I went out to eat with some friends and for some reason I felt so gross in the sweater I was wearing! I realized I would have felt much more comfortable and more attractive if it showed a little more ya know?? That's not a good thing I know but it's what I'm used to. I'm glad I recognize what I was thinking and recognized also how moronic that sounds but I still need to work on where the thoughts stem from. Needless to say I am proud of myself...I could have changed and I didn't.

I'm sort of struggling with my daily devotional too. I have a great Bible and a great devotional book but it's so hard for me to get up in the mornings with enough time to do it. I know I could do it at night but that seems so weird...since I was always told to do devotionals in the morning as to start off your day right with a Godly mindset. I just need to make it a priority and get up. It's so hard to make this complete change though. I want it...I really do. But sometimes I miss the old me. A lot of times I do actually. I almost feel like I'm boring now to my friends. I know life with the Lord is the most exciting adventure ever, I get that. But I haven't done the work to get there yet, so I feel like I'm not as much fun as I used to be or something...I don't know.  I feel ignorant even saying that but it's the way I feel sometimes.

Compass testing tomorrow!!

Crazy day...

Today has been challenging. All the bosses from corporate are here so super busy! It's 2pm now so I have 4 more hours...*sigh*  I need a prayer break! And on top of that it's raining like crazy outside so my hair is frizzing like a beast. I just wanna go home and go back to sleep...

Today, overall, was a productive day. I was off today so I took the opportunity to go to my school and make sure all of my paperwork was received for my application process and it was! Now, I have to take the Compass testing again on this Friday. I'm actually a little nervous about the math portion. I suck royally at math :( Hopefully I'll at least make the minimum score haha!

My good friend Kimalya invited me to a Bible study tonight at this local church. It was a great experience...I really liked how the pastor worded things and made it relevant. You could really tell that he genuinely wanted us to truly understand what he was saying and cared if we didn't. It was nice. I can't wait to get plugged into our new church Southside and get involved with the community groups there so I can have something like that every week. It was so refreshing, especially after my day yesterday!

Oh yeah...the owner of the company is coming to visit at work tomorrow! So, I'm getting there an hour earlier to freshen up the office and prepare, so should be another long day. Can't you sense my excitement? Time for bed :)

Mondays typically suck...

Wow! It has been a long Monday at work already and it's not even 1pm yet. Thank the Lord I'm off tomorrow. I think I might go to the Starbucks or something tonight and delve into the Word. I'm so excited to get started on this journey of finding who I am in Christ.

I was laying in bed last night and was just thinking about how scared I am about this challenge I've given myself as far as my wardrobe goes. I hope I can do it! I know I can do it...just not by myself. I'm happy I don't have to try to do it by myself anymore!

Hope everyone is having a fabulous day!

The beginning of an incredible story...

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see the Lord." Matthew 5'8

That's such a wonderful sentence isn't it? Twelve simple words with such a powerful message. Twelve words. Matthew says here in one sentence that if our hearts remain pure we hold favor in God's eyes. How awesome is that?! How amazing is that?! How wonderful...and how soo HARD it is to do that?!?! According to the New Webster dictionary the definition of purity is "freedom from sin or guilt; innocence; chastity; cleanliness; freedom from immorality, especially of a sexual nature." Unfortunately I can't really relate to any of those words, but it's so exciting for me to know that with God's forgiveness and mercy I can be washed clean, white as snow! I can be pure again.

I have always struggled with purity. Since I can remember being able to dress myself and buy my own clothes I've dressed fairly promiscuously. It was just clothes at the beginning. I was searching for some kind of attention and I got it. I got a lot of it and although it wasn't usually from the people I wanted to get it from, I thrived in it. I wanted more. Maybe if I just pull this down a little farther or maybe if I just make this a little shorter...it was fun. I'm not going to sit here and write that it wasn't fun. At the beginning it was fun and exciting. I knew that no matter where I went I was making an impression. I could walk into a restaurant with the hottest girl in the place but they were gonna look at me, not her. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be able to tell you the color of my eyes though, or my favorite book. Would they even care?

When I got to college I started living the lifestyle that the clothes I was wearing represented. Sex, drugs, and rock & roll pretty much sums it up if I'm being honest. I was good at being that person...it's all I knew how to be at that time. I got some sort of sick thrill out of being "the other woman" on multiple occasions. I loved being the sexy one, the vixen. I did secretly wish that someone would want me for my heart, for me. I wished that someone would want to take me home to mom and be proud. Since that never happened and I didn't think it would, I sank deeper into my depression and with that came some pretty scary experiences. I became that person because I didn't know how to be anything else. It became comfortable to me. It's who I was. Sleeping with someone "just because" was really no big deal to me at this time. He liked me, I liked him so why not? That was my mentality at this point. I wasn't protecting my body, much less my heart.

I could go on and on about specific experiences that made me who I am today and made me want to do this but that's not the point. The main point is that I have been saved and delivered by Christ Jesus on several occasions and He keeps saving me over and over again. Do you understand that? He keeps saving me over and over again. I don't deserve it, I didn't do anything good or righteous to deserve it. Yet, He's still there. He's always been there. I have this vision in my head of Jesus turning his head away in shame, with tears streaming down His face...but yet there's one arm stretched out, one nail scarred hand wide open. Just waiting for me to grab ahold and trust in Him. I see that in my dreams sometimes. I know I hurt Him just like I hurt my family. It breaks my heart to think back on all the times I disappointed Him and all the times I continue to disappoint Him. I'm ready to take His hand. I can't do it on my own.

I have grown and matured so much over the last two years and although I'm not being promiscuous anymore, I'm definitely not where I need to be, where I want to be. It's still a constant struggle for me with men. My picker is definitely off! I'm ready to hand over the reigns to the One who knows me better than I know myself. He knows my struggle but He knows my heart too. After all He did create it :)  I am ready to seek God. I am finally ready to hear God. I'm so excited for this amazing new chapter in my life to start but with that comes a lot of nervousness and doubt as well. I pray that the Lord will see me through this journey. I have such a wonderful support system in my family and friends and  with them I need true, honest accountability.

I've decided to change the way I think, the way I dress, the way I act. I, Cori Cannon, am pursuing a pure lifestyle! The way the Lord intended a Godly woman to be. For accountability purposes, I'm going to post a picture of myself every day...don't judge me on the rough hair days! I'm so ready to show the Lord what I'm capable of. I can't wait for Him to be proud of me again.

Some of you may know that I really feel called to go into counseling and am pursuing a career in that starting this coming January. I've heard it preached a million times that our biggest struggle in life is usually what we are called to. I'm so happy to have found mine! I can't wait to sell out arenas of beautiful young girls who are searching for some answers. I know that if I continue to follow the Lord and listen to Him in every aspect of my life that WILL happen. It's part of my story, I know it is. I'm more than happy with being the illustrator and not the author :)

"Life is short. Time is fleeting. Realize the Self. Purity of the heart is the gateway to God. Aspire. Renounce. Meditate. Be good; do good. Be kind; be compassionate. Inquire; know Thyself."

Swami Sivananda
Indian yoga master, physician, monk, and founder of the Divine Life Society 1887-1963