strugglin but hopeful :)...

Today I felt like I didn't stop at all! I had church this morning, then work right after that, then dinner with a few friends right after that. Overall, a great day! I'm still super excited about all the wonderful things I'm sure the Lord has planned for me but I do still have all these struggles inside me...particularly one big one. I haven't been keeping myself accountable with that one thing but I'm over the negative feelings that follow. I know God knows my heart so I hope that He will help me get through this and come out the other side even stronger because of it.

exciting!...

So I'm going to pray about this pretty heavily but I feel led to foster care. I know I'm young and I know I can't right now but I really feel drawn to this. I meet all of the basic qualifications but I would like to be significantly more financially stable obviously. I'm going to attend an orientation soon to get some more information and I'm super excited about that. In the meantime, I'm gonna pray for God's guidance. It's crazy how many amazing and exciting thoughts are coming into my head now that I'm living right! I can't wait to see what God is gonna do with and through me :)

dreamin...

I drove into work from Alabama this morning so I had to leave Birmingham at around 430am and that drive SUCKED! I was so tired the whole way. Then, about 20 minutes before I arrived at work my boss texted me and said that one of the owners was coming to pick up some stuff for another property. So as soon as I got here, I had to get everything ready for that visit. Crazy day but at least job number 1 is almost over...about 45 minutes. Then, it's on to job number 2 but hopefully the tips will be good tonight. I'm counting on Black Friday shoppers to be craving Italian tonight :).

I was just sort of daydreaming on the way here this morning....just thinking about everything. Where my life used to be, where it is now, where I want it to be...a lot has changed, that's for sure. My dreams are bigger than they ever were but I'm not scared or doubting like I used to, I'm actually just anxious to get started! I'm so ready to go go go! I'm beyond stoked to see what God is gonna do with my full attention on Him. This week I pray that my priorities will stay on top and distractions will be minimal.

 I can feel Satan pulling harder lately. Old thoughts, habits, temptations, etc. keep popping up in my head...even more than before. I know that it's because he is absolutely trippin out that I'm over him and his lies.  He's won in the past but no longer. It's nice to be on the winning team this time around!

I was talking to my family over the Thanksgiving break about how much I really want to write a book about this whole experience. I want to share my story with anyone who wants to listen with an open heart.

Now remember....this picture is on about 4 hours of sleep and a loooong day!

Thanksgiving!...

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I came home to Alabama to see all the fam late Tuesday night and I kept thinking yesterday that I needed to post in here but it seems like all the time just disappeared...and so quickly! We went to go see the movie "Courageous" yesterday morning and it was awesome...I cried like a girl at least seven times. Then later in the afternoon my two sisters and I went out for a little Christmas shopping and it was great to spend some sister time together with just us. We hardly ever see each other all together and it was so nice...I think no one else gets our jokes but we were cracking up most of the time so it didn't matter. On the way home that night, we somehow started singing some Broadway songs, mostly from Jekyll & Hyde and Wicked. That's not uncommon for our family, but we all started harmonizing or trying to anyway. Good times! So here's the picture from yesterday :)

So today we all went to my grandparents house for Thanksgiving. I think all my work in the gym is pretty much gone and I don't even care! I would do it again...and probably again haha. It was excellent to see everyone and everybody looked happy and content with their lives. I know it sounds weird to say that but when you only see extended family like that a few times a year, you sort of listen and observe each time you're together...ya know, to get an idea of what's going on in their life. So anyways lol....it was nice. Speaking of family, at my grandparents house there's a million pictures obviously, and I found this one hanging up so I had to capture it on my phone...

Would you check out that bowl cut?! But Laura Beth is so cute!


And this is me and my Laura Beth earlier today :)

Today, overall, was a great day :) I hope everyone else had an awesome Thanksgiving as well. Here's me today!

little children and little sisters...

So yesterday I think I mentioned something about all my dreams. One of the huge ones that I've always had was to be able to adopt one day. I have such a passion for children and it breaks my heart every time I think that there's so many without a home, without a family. Whenever I think about my future husband and kids, there's always a few adopted ones in the mix. I know it's crazy expensive and such a long process but I know it's for me. I really feel led to do something like that...maybe even foster care. It's sort of sad to think about how long I'm gonna have to wait to bring that dream to fruition though. I mean obviously I need a husband that's supportive first and foremost! Then, of course I need to finish school and get a home. Oh and the extra finances! It's overwhelming thinking about all that BUT then it hit me...

What I can do is start my "adoption savings account" now. That's something I can do and continue doing for the however many years it takes. Then, when I do meet my future husband one day and we have this conversation, I can be like...well I already have so and so saved up so let's do it! Even 20 dollars here and there will make me feel like I'm planning for my future...a dream I've had forever. Adoption is such an amazing thing and I want to be a part of it one day. I'm going to continue to pray for God's guidance in all my dreams and ambitions and I know He'll lead the way in every journey. It's so cool to think about how, in reality, we were all orphans before the Lord adopted us as His children. I think the Lord has such a special place in His heart for the "unwanted."

As far as the purity thing goes, everything is great! I've been doing fairly well for the most part....had a couple thoughts here and there and a few lonely, boring nights. The next morning was excellent though, when I would wake up and be proud of myself. I'm not just talking about sex either. Also, texting, flirting, emailing, calling, or whatever. So things are great today.

I'm going home today after work to Alabama to see my family and I'm really excited :). They are my heart, especially my little sister Laura Beth. She is everything that is good in this world...I wouldn't be who I am today without her constant love, support, and forgiveness. I'm not ashamed to say that my very best friend is my 16 year old sister. She is going to do amazing things and I can't wait to see it! I could rant on forever about her but I'll spare you this time!

She's beautiful!

and WE'RE beautiful!

I couldn't be more proud of her and I hope she's proud of me :) This is me today ya'll...I look super thick in this picture but it's Thanksgiving week so I get a free pass! ;)

hard times...

It's almost Thanksgiving! I'm really looking forward to seeing my family...it's been a while :). Work today was good...got a lot done but I'm so over it and ready to go home. I have 9 more minutes haha!

I was thinking today about how many dreams I have for myself. I haven't had the best track record on following through with things but I'm ready to change that. I know the Lord will be on my side as long as I continue to follow Him with everything I do, with all my decisions. When He's on my side...there is no question that I can do it. I'm still struggling somewhat with this new life though. It's hard certain nights and it's only been a little over a week. I know it's worth it...the hard times I have to go through. This is just sooo new to me and I feel like no one else cares as much as I do...no one else gets it.

Serious prayer needed...

music for the soul...

So last night was awesome! I went to the Brandon Heath concert with my friends Kimalya and Marisa. The opening act was a singer named Britt Nicole and she was actually pretty impressive as well. Just a side note....it would be pretty stellar if the Lord decided to drop a someone like Brandon Heath into my life! Amazing man of God, crazy good singer, AND he was so good with all the kids. Yes sir...yummy! haha.....seriously though it was awesome...take a look :)

Here's a close up...sort of :)

me and Marisa :)

and both my girls with our cute dimples! :)

It was a great night with some much needed fellowship with some amazing Christian women and the music...just beautiful. It was lots of fun. :)

Today after church, I had work for a few hours and then I went to go see the new Twilight movie with a couple of friends from work. I'm not a crazy fan like every 15 year old in the world but I do wanna see them...just because I read the books when they first came out. It was actually pretty good...better than the last three...but I still think the acting could be better.

This is me super super tired after a long day so no judgement please ;)

So ready to see my family for Thanksgiving!!